Me trying to figure out how Jesus met dudes named Matthew, Mark, Luke, etc. in the ME

Likely the king James version westernized the names from Aramaic. Just as the Rosetta stone allowed hieroglyphs containing the story of Horus the sun god to be translated, He was born under a bright star and three wise men came bearing gifts. And all that follows.

The talking snake was enough for me.

Hey Buddy

It's very simple. Jesus was a petrochemical engineer.

Those were Jewish names originally and they spread among people of faith, over the centuries as Christianity spread.
Luke and Joseph are just as Jewish as Isaiah, but Luke sounds better so it's more popular.

Secret gay lover names.

Hey, he may not understand but at least he's starting to question what he's always 'just believed'.

By way of translation, through Greek, Latin and Hebrew.

It's easy when you're the only White Jew at the time

Let's also ignore that the family tree that they mention in the start of 2 of the books don't line up. It would be the exact same names in both family trees of it was a believable text.

What did he realize?

Wow. A nine second video, im convinced.

Jesus didn't meet Mark or Luke.

According to historians and scholars, the first printed New Testament in English was produced by William Tyndale in 1526 Need I say more?

Lame fairytale if you ask me...